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A deep void???
#1
How should I start??? It's hard for me to describe this 'emotion/sensation/feeling' or whatever it is, anyway I'll do my best.

For a very long time, I've had this strange feeling inside me and it's not easy to portray. It's been there since I was very, very young and instead of disappear, it keeps growing inside me (especially after I've had an episode of depression or lots of personal problems).

I feel like something's missing or I'm incomplete. There's something that I need, but I can't find. I used to believe it was part of my depression. If I'm happy or excited about something, the same feeling appears again and drags me down. It's like a ghost.

If I had to associate this with something, it'd be with hollowness...although I wish I knew what it is and how to get rid of it.

I just needed to write this. It's alright if no one wants to reply, because it's a very abstract issue...at least, you took your time to read it.

Thank you
 
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#2
Hi Crystal,
Do you often feel this feeling when being arround others while having a good time?
Do you often feel it when your alone?
Do you ever feel it while doing physical excercise?
Does this feeling frequently occur when you think of: romantic relationships, family, friends, job(s), yourself (body, behaviour, etc.), money, future, past, your house, etc.?
Have there been / will there be any sudden / big changes in your life?
Are you tired a lot?
Lana.
 
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#3
Hello, Lana

(08-19-2014, 01:49 AM)Lana Wrote: Do you often feel this feeling when being arround others while having a good time?

That's how I always feel. No matter if I'm surrounded by other people or just by myself. The sensation is constantly there.

Do you ever feel it while doing physical excercise?

No, not really. It's probably the exception. When I work out, I feel very good and seems like life is perfect when I do so.

Does this feeling frequently occur when you think of: romantic relationships, family, friends, job(s), yourself (body, behaviour, etc.), money, future, past, your house, etc.?

Only the future. Despite the fact that I have a carreer and all, I can't picture myself with a future. I sincerely don't think I can handle having children, getting married, working, assuming all types of responsibilities and stuff like that. I don't feel like I want to do it either...

Have there been / will there be any sudden / big changes in your life?

Not really...
Are you tired a lot?

Oh, always...I'm always tired.
Lana.

Thank you Smile
 
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#4
Hi Crystal,

You say you feel like you won't be able to manage working in the future. Did you mean that you're doing fine in your job right now, but you're affraid that you can't handle your job in the future? Did you mean that you're affraid that you can't handle the combination of job, children, and marrage? Or did you mean that you already feel overwelmed by your job which also causes you to worry about the future?

Do you feel like other people expect you to have children and marry? Do you feel pressured to do those things for any other reasons?

Do you know for yourself (you don't have to explain) what causes your tiredness?

Lana.
 
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#5
I too have this deep void and I think it's because of my depression. My depression manifests itself as anhedonia rather than melancholy. Of course with anhedonia comes apathy and thus a lack of drive for life. With no drive for life I don't have a a goal, I'm just 'living' day by day eating, showering, exercising, and sleeping. Crystal, I too can't imagine myself in the future
 
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#6
Thank you for sharing Emotion, maybe Crystal recognizes these feelings that you describe. I too have experienced the feelings of hollowness that Crystal describes but for me it wasn't because of a depression. Regardless of my personal experiences, I tend to think that everyone is/works/experiences differently. I hope that you both find out for yourself what makes you happy and what works. Talking about it may help achieve that goal. For me, the biggest things are/were self-acceptance and letting go of expectations of others.
 
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#7
The feeling of emptiness described here is familiar to me. It seems to be most intense after being highly engaged with an activity or connected with a group of people, and after all the excitement is over there is sometimes a temporary sense of loss. It seems to be part of a cycle of engagement/disengagement where I connect with some direction and feel a temporary and specific sense of purpose in it, but eventually the loss of a specific sense of purpose can be uncomfortable.

My initial tendency when I feel the sense of emptiness is to want a specific direction to engage in, but this would lead to an oscillating pattern that became increasingly uncomfortable when I eventually felt no longer compelled to engage in any of the directions that used to excite me. The feeling of emptiness is useful to me now as an indicator that temporarily it is okay to disengage. It feels like breathing out after breathing in. As I learn to go with this energy instead of opposing it, this flow of engaging and disengaging is becoming more natural. The sense of emptiness is becoming less intense and activities that had all lost meaning seem to be gaining there vibrance again as I allow myself to temporarily stop seeking engagement.

Intentionally disengaging can feel painful at first because my mind sometimes craves something tangible that will bring about a specific sense of meaning. It is helpful for me to allow this craving feeling to occur and just let it be what it is until the craving subsides on its own.
 
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#8
(08-20-2014, 08:45 AM)Lana Wrote: Hi Crystal,

You say you feel like you won't be able to manage working in the future. Did you mean that you're doing fine in your job right now, but you're affraid that you can't handle your job in the future? Did you mean that you're affraid that you can't handle the combination of job, children, and marrage? Or did you mean that you already feel overwelmed by your job which also causes you to worry about the future?

Do you feel like other people expect you to have children and marry? Do you feel pressured to do those things for any other reasons?

Do you know for yourself (you don't have to explain) what causes your tiredness?

Lana.

Well, it includes all the things that you mentioned there, Lana. I don't know what to think. Sometimes, it's difficult to put these thoughts into words and describe them...I wish I could, though.
 
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#9
(08-20-2014, 02:12 PM)Emotion Wrote: I too have this deep void and I think it's because of my depression. My depression manifests itself as anhedonia rather than melancholy. Of course with anhedonia comes apathy and thus a lack of drive for life. With no drive for life I don't have a a goal, I'm just 'living' day by day eating, showering, exercising, and sleeping. Crystal, I too can't imagine myself in the future

x2 -- This
 
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