Oke, last night I heared new info about a murder investigation that my friend is very closely tight to (it's her father's death, her stepmother is suspect). I know, it's clichee. My mom and I used to watch a lot of crime series and at some point I didn't like it anymore. Murder can be sensational and interesting puzzle, but when it happens so close (although I never met the father) it is so unbelievable that I just can't wrap my head arround it. I have a headache of the emotional impact of everything she told me last night. Last time I talked to her they dug up her father (which is pretty disturbing to think about in itself) because her stepmother was suspect. Now, with the new facts it's 100% sure that the stepmother killed at least 1 of her 2 former husbands. To imagine that she almost remarried last year before she was arrested is just turning my stomach. So strange to imagine all this.. It's scary and hurtful and it's pinching my brain: why? how? I can't wrap my head arround it.
The most disturbing image in my head is seeing the stepmother googling in preperation of his death. I google everyday. It's so ordinary and feels so familiar. Then, to imagine that she was (this is what police found) googling 'sunflower bouquet', 'grave stones', 'how long does it take before (type of painkiller) leaves the body' the day before he died. They found four sedatives/painkillers in the liver of the father of my friend.
This was not some impulse thing. She forged a life insurence. Her previous husband died under suspicious circumstances too. There were signs, but the alarming thing is that the stepmother almost got away with both deaths while on the verge of a third marriage! It a bad thing that such beautiful things a marriage and googling are now placed in whole different perspective. It's like a black widdow spider.
Oh, no what's even worse: the women (an other word that is way too pretty to describe her) has FOUR children!!! The first husband that died was their father..
The only slightly uplifting fact is: my friend always had a weird feeling with that women (not that she ever expected this) and that people who knew her closely weren't deceived by her lies (anymore): the parents of the stepmother helped my friend file the report to the police when they all had a agut feeling that something was off.

Thank you for sharing Emotion, maybe Crystal recognizes these feelings that you describe. I too have experienced the feelings of hollowness that Crystal describes but for me it wasn't because of a depression. Regardless of my personal experiences, I tend to think that everyone is/works/experiences differently. I hope that you both find out for yourself what makes you happy and what works. Talking about it may help achieve that goal. For me, the biggest things are/were self-acceptance and letting go of expectations of others.

Hi Crystal,

You say you feel like you won't be able to manage working in the future. Did you mean that you're doing fine in your job right now, but you're affraid that you can't handle your job in the future? Did you mean that you're affraid that you can't handle the combination of job, children, and marrage? Or did you mean that you already feel overwelmed by your job which also causes you to worry about the future?

Do you feel like other people expect you to have children and marry? Do you feel pressured to do those things for any other reasons?

Do you know for yourself (you don't have to explain) what causes your tiredness?

Lana.

That's very kind!

Hi Crystal,
Do you often feel this feeling when being arround others while having a good time?
Do you often feel it when your alone?
Do you ever feel it while doing physical excercise?
Does this feeling frequently occur when you think of: romantic relationships, family, friends, job(s), yourself (body, behaviour, etc.), money, future, past, your house, etc.?
Have there been / will there be any sudden / big changes in your life?
Are you tired a lot?
Lana.

Thanks Crystal.
I did write my feelings down but it got only worse. Maybe I need to keep doing it, to release all build-up feelings from the past years..
But I know that writing can be very helpful. It has been for me too in previous situations.

I'm glad!

Beautiful, indeed more possibilities than Terraria :).

I haven't played minecraft but I've been told that it's similar, yes. I did try one session but I'm not so good with using the controlls in 3D games. I feel handicapped :p. Maybe someday I'll learn. Do you like minecraft better than terraria?

This is a test. I pressed the button 'new post'. Previously it would look like I replied to my own message. I hope I won't this time..
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Had a good day yesterday with two amazing dogs! A friend was looking after them and I borrowed them for an afternoon. They're so cuddly! I know one of them for a long time, and were're getting along great! He's so playful ánd cuddly. He's a mix of German shepherd and labrador. I want a dog when I have the space and when I can afford it. I'm affraid I won't find a dog like him! I love him! Do you guys love dogs?
[hr]
oke.. Emotion: now you can see what I mean: I pressed 'new post' again (just like with the test message) but now it looks like I replied on my previous message. That's weird.